My Wonderful Sh*t
I may look like I have my sh*t together because everything I post. I try to be light, positive and share things that I love. But I also try to make sure I share the nitty gritty of life and share the authentic and vulnerable parts of life. Because we all go through it. I don’t care who you are, we are human and have human emotions and human experiences.
The past few weeks have been full of obstacles to say the least. Today, I picked up a paintbrush and was immediately struck with an overwhelming anxiety and felt overstimulated. I could feel everything swirling around in my body. I closed my eyes and found myself yearning for meditation.
So, I ran over to The Chapel at WEC and just sat quietly for a while. Taking in what my body was trying to tell me. I swear my whole back and abdomen was pulsing like my veins were going to combust. As I sat with it, and loved it, the pulsing normalized. Definitely learning more and more that I am an empathic person that is sensitive to emotion and the energy around me or that I’m holding onto. That’s where I’ve found that the anxiety sneaks in.
I realized I wasn’t letting myself feel or listen to myself. I was letting situations control me. I let people get into my head about the way they perceive the situation to be and what I should do. Even if it does sound like a logical and great plan and was approached out of love, it may not be what I personally need to do at the time. So, I get to use discernment there. I notice when I steer away from moving from my heart and feeling my way through things, that’s when I get lost. And then feel horrible about it! Hahaha.
As an entrepreneur that is constantly learning new lessons about how to run an independent business, I go through a lot of sh*t. Saying this in the most light-hearted way because I really do have fun with ALL of it. Hahah. They don’t lie when they say success is that up and down roller coaster. Well, I’d say life runs along those same tracks as well, but it’s like you hit new levels of a new “high” of success and then, oh look! A new lesson to learn. Which I’ve started to get excited when sh*t hits the fan because I know it means exponential growth. So, yay! I’m actually celebrating as we speak! This previous “high” felt wonderful and if it says anything about how this next leap up will be, I have some fun things to get ready to experience.
Since I began my business, I have gone through my bank account getting overdrawn month after month, not knowing when the next commission will come in. I’ve slept in my truck for a week to be at a horse show. I lived on veggie pasta for years, to save money on meals. (I might still do this because it’s my favorite hahah.)
All of it had its challenges but keeping that playful mindset even in the hardest times has made them more enjoyable and the journey beautiful. And the willingness to do what it takes shows the world you’re serious about it.
I get to work through the emotions that were brought up and I get to become an even more educated entrepreneur through the obstacles. I’ve been able to learn to love every bit of this, even the seemingly “negative” emotions. Just starting to become a witness to them. Even that can be a challenge at times to remember to actually do it, but when I do, it releases so much.
I love all of you, I don’t want you to put someone outside of you up on a pedestal or be misled that someone has a perfect life! We don’t really show those unglamorous parts of our road to “success”. Focus on what you feel is right for you in your life at the time. It’s not worth the energy to compare yourself to someone else’s life, because it’s probably not exactly how it seems.
I love you!
“The world is my canvas, and my life is my masterpiece.”